Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can’t get my diskette out..
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck..
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on ‘start’ for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
=============== Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…
Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
Customer: can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
=============== A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’
And last but not least…
Tech support: ‘Okay Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
Caller: Hi, our printer doesn’t seem to be working!
Customer Service: What’s wrong with it?
Caller: The Mouse seems to be jammed!
Customer Service: Mouse? Sir, Printers don’t normally come with a mouse.
Caller: Hmmm? Really? I’ll send you a picture…